I am Enough

Written by Sarah Gooden | 11th June 2022

Sitting in a comfy living room with friends one evening, hugging a hot cup of tea, I was blissfully unaware of what was coming next. 

We had got together to pray/chat/plan an upcoming Rise event, and to start off we often pray, worship or quietly spend time with Jesus. 

This particular evening we were handed a sheet of paper and asked to write down the biggest lie that we believed about ourselves. 

As soon as I closed my eyes to ponder this question I was overwhelmed with emotion. I knew my every day battle was with the lie ‘I am not enough’ - not enough as a wife or mother, not enough in my workplace, not enough in the things I was involved with at church, not enough for my friends and family. After several minutes looking at this sheet of paper, afraid to write everything that was racing through my head, and very aware that emotion was brimming and could overflow at any moment. I hoped we would quickly move on, but to my horror we were asked to share the lie we have believed and then say 5 statements of truth. 

I was overwhelmed and desperately back peddling in my head. I thought to myself I will just decline when it gets to my turn, there was no way I was going to be able to share what I’d written. The others in the room went on to be remarkably courageous & share so honestly what they’d put down, often through snot and tears. I was going to be the last to share and I could sense that it was going to be increasingly difficult to back out .. my mind began to race.. could I say something else?.. Could I think of a small lie that would be easy to speak out?

Finally it was my turn - I thought I have nowhere to run. I tried to make a joke about running out of time, longing for the floor to swallow me up.. or someone to let me off the hook, but somehow I managed to open my mouth. It was at this point I realised the pain that was inside. Living with this feeling of I am not enough, knowing that every day the little things that may not go right or the difficulties with my kids, family or at work, insecurities in friendships and church all kept reinforcing my belief that I was not enough. Feelings that often hindered me stepping out, or that caused me to withdraw or spiral into a dark place. 

I let out an intense sob as I read the words on my page and when my lovely friend tried to speak truth to me I could not bear to hear it and asked them to stop. 

The rest of the evening I just felt pain and heaviness in my chest, I felt exposed and vulnerable wishing that I had not open my mouth, but in my heart I was also SO desperate for change, and knew that God was not finished with me. 

I came home to find my kids still awake, so kissed them good night and was grateful for the darkness in their rooms to hide my tearstained face. I went into the living room and quietly whispered to Father God, repenting of the thoughts I’d had about myself and the lies I had chosen to believe. I don’t want to stay this way, I long for breakthrough… I need freedom. This feeling had been with me for as long as I could remember, some days I felt strong enough to battle through, but others overwhelmed and down trodden or desperate. I realised that I have always been a perfectionist measuring myself against an impossible measuring stick, and each time I came up short beating myself up for my lack. I’d try desperately to do better, only failing again each time I tried. I collapsed into bed that night and in the quiet I asked Father God to help me. 

The following morning after dropping the kids to school I checked my inbox and there in my emails was the weekly blog from Thea Muir (I am so many things) titled ‘I am enough as I am’ which said: 

‘I am forgiven, I am righteous in Christ, I am holy, blameless, without reproach. I am washed whiter than snow, by the blood of Jesus.’ 

Like Paul, I can say ‘my only boast is in the cross of Christ (Galatians 6:14), not in my own strength.’ So when it comes to mum guilt, I can confidently say ‘I am free from guilt, I am free from shame. I am enough as I am’. Not because I am the perfect mother, far from it. But because God is the perfect Father. He lives in and through me (Galatians 2:20) and in my weakness He is strong. Through trust and surrender, He makes up for my lack. In His grace, I am ENOUGH!

In whatever area you may be feeling accused and inadequate today, run into the arms of Jesus, receive forgiveness, and then declare with me ‘I AM ENOUGH AS I AM’  

Suddenly it was like a penny dropped and I realise that I didn’t have to be enough, that I would always fall short, that it was in my lack that God in his grace and mercy gives me all I need- He has no lack!!. It’s in my weakness that he is glorified and I do not need to strive for perfection but can lean on him and the truth is that he is always enough, and because he lives in me I can do all things and I AM enough. This revelation was mind blowing, so simple and something I’ve probably told others countless times but for me it was a revelation that finally penetrated deep into my heart, and it felt like for the first time I fully understood. In that moment I felt such a release & there was incredible breakthrough in my heart & mind.  I don’t have to strive for perfection any longer, instead just ask the Holy Spirit daily to work in and through me.  

I just love the way that in his incredible kindness and often so unexpectedly, God breaks in and what has been a battle for years is exposed in a moment and He brings breakthrough & freedom. 

This is still something that I battle with but the difference being I feel equipped with the truth to combat the lies that enter my head. It is so freeing to know that I no longer have to measure up and that God continually works in our hearts, renewing our minds if we allow him. Living in freedom is the most wonderful place to be. It so often starts with being brave enough to speak out what we’re thinking to a good friend, exposing the lies that we so often bury deep and bring it out into the light. 

However difficult that night was for me it shifted something by me simply speaking out the lie, it opened the door to freedom from lies that I had struggled with for decades.  

If any of this resonates with you look at the next step‘s below - see what Father God in his unrivalled love and kindness reveals to you.

LETS DO THIS

His kindness and love are abounding over and over.. WOW YES!

We love the phrase ‘if God has done it once, He can do it again!’  Now the question for you… 

What is the biggest lie that you are believing today? 

Could it be the same as Sarah’s that you are not enough, or you don’t think you are called for purpose, maybe something about your identity, it could be anything, and only you can truly answer this.  (If you are really stuck here, do ask a trusted honest friend, ‘cause sometimes it’s obvious to others where the areas are you need breakthrough in!) 

Click here to go through our ‘Lie Buster’ and deal with those lies that hold you back, go on – take courage and go for it – freedom is coming your way!

SOMETHING MORE

Ok, you’ve read the story, you’ve repented from the lies, now what – you dance - and thank God for making you YOU!  Turn this up loud and dance the day away!