From Disappointment to Delight
Written by Katrina Moss | 13th August 2022
We know God is a God of transformation and restoration and it's often easy to see His hand at work in others and yet be slow, or unable to see it in ourselves. Back in 2016 I was away at a Christian conference, with a speaker talking about how God had worked a miracle in her life and after many disappointments, God had blessed her with a beautiful baby. She offered to pray for people who were having difficulty conceiving. I joked with God that it was too late for me, as I was nearly 60. Some 30 years before, I had tried unsuccessfully for over 12 years to have for children, including IVF, which contributed to me having a serious breakdown. However, that night at the conference, I felt a prompting from God to name the children I never had, and surprisingly, I found I had a baby name book in my Motorhome! At 1.30am, I named my children and called my daughter ‘Chaiya’, meaning treasure in heaven. I felt it was a Holy Spirit moment. The next morning, I was not so sure what had happened, but the friends I was with, who had 8 children between them, felt it was a ‘God moment’.
Also, after another inspirational session at the conference, I re-dedicated my future to God, and prayed a very specific prayer, “what do you have for my future Lord, here I am send me.”
I had to leave the conference after a couple of days, as my mother was dying of terminal cancer, and I got a call from the hospice saying they didn’t think she would last the week. I was able to share with my mum, that when she got to heaven, if she met a young girl with red hair, that would be her granddaughter and her name was Chaiya! That week my mum did die, and the morning she died, God answered my prayer, (to my complete surprise) about my future, as I woke with the idea to start a national art awards. Because I know that I have many ideas, I wanted to get feedback from artists and curators and people I trust, if they thought it was a Katrina 'good idea' or a ‘god idea’ and they thought it was the latter. Over the years, I felt I had carried a great deal of disappointment in my relationship with God, with years of trusting God for children and for another major initiative which I had worked on for 15 years, which in my mind had not succeeded. I don’t know why God brought that extra bit of healing into my life at that conference, 30 years after my infertility, the exact week my own mum was dying. But what I have come to realise at a much deeper level of understanding and revelation, is that God has never been disappointed in me, that his kindness and his faithfulness to me has never wavered or changed, that he always encourages me, and delights in me, throughout all circumstances, both the good and the difficult. So what happened to the idea I woke up the day my mum died. It has become the Chaiya Art Awards, now the UK’s biggest awards exploring spirituality and faith through the visual arts with a top prize of £10,000. The awards include a ten day winners exhibition in a prestigious London gallery for over 50 artists, which attracts thousands of visitors, a series of accompanying hardback books and the Chaiya Art Awards are marketed to over 200,000 artists/creatives every two years. This is not what I have achieved, but what God has achieved, and in his grace, he chooses to partner with us! I remember a wonderful saying in a sermon years ago "God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called", there’s a big difference, so the glory goes to Him, but we are blessed because we get to share in the adventure. This is what God can do, when we say here I am use me. God uses our unique mix of gifts and talents and life experiences. He looks at our passions and He tailor makes something for each of us to do for his Kingdom purposes, whatever age we are, whatever skills we have. This is not because he wants something FROM you, but because he wants something FOR you, to live in freedom, to enjoy his love and his delight in how he’s made you.
Katrina Moss
So, what now?
Inspired by Katrina’s story, let’s ask ourselves these questions:
Can I truly say, ‘here I am Lord, use me’?
Do I believe that God really wants to use my unique mix of gifts, talents, and life experiences?
Do I believe He has tailor made something for me?
Wow the truth that God has something ‘for’ me, rather than wanting something ‘from’ me really blows me away. Why not spend a moment now while this song is playing and have some time with God. You may want to repent for not believing that God wants to use you, and you could pray ‘here I am Lord, use me’. Get expectant for God to speak to you, He may bring scriptures or reminders of past prophetic words over your life, whatever it may be – get ready!
Picture by ArthurHidden on Freepik